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Secrets of the Superbrands: Food.

Secrets of the Superbrands poster

Written by : published Friday 3rd June 2011

Secrets of the Superbrands: Food. main image

Watch Secrets of the Superbrands here




A lot of writers come to the Lake District. People like Wordsworth and Beatrix Potter came and found some of their greatest inspiration. So seeing as I am currently on a weeklong break in the Lake District now should come time for my musings to be at their very peak (do you see what I did there? Ah yes mountains exist in the Lake District too.) The thing is I usually have the internet at my disposal for these reviews allowing me to watch the programmes on demand. No such shenanigans in the signal deprived, internet lacking technology starved Lake District. I have my Blackberry which allows me to write the majority of my reviews on the go and then up-load them for your eyes to gorge upon but seeing as there is no internet signal or mobile phone signal what I essentially have is a very shiny piece of pen and paper.


While away however I have sat down in front of a television and watched "Secrets of the Superbrands: Food" which is a documentary which looks at how massive companies have become so massive. If I was a cynical type of person instead of the fluffy bunny I am I could make the claim that these companies are destroying any form of a local individuality. The programme pretty much admits this. The main jist of McDonald’s globalisation is to take things that are local produce but to make them taste the same for familiarity. This is absolutely heartbreaking. One of the beauties of the world is that everywhere is different and there are so many different kinds of cuisine. While in the Lake District I have tried Cajun Style swordfish. It was delicious and I would have it again. This isn't the ethos of McDonalds they prefer to take things the locals know and make them the same as all the other stuff around the world. They called it glocalisation and it’s fucking terrifying.  I may be paranoid, which is very unlikely because they are out to get me (sometimes stealing your dads jokes is acceptable) but the idea of everything being the same with only the slight bit of difference between the cardboard cut-outs of everything is a nightmare world. Don't believe me? Picture every single person with the overall demeanour of an X-factor contestant. If you haven't already barricaded your windows and doors then it may be too late.


Coke does the same; they talk about the idea of quenching your thirst being linked to coke. None of this water bullshit anymore not when your thirst-quenching liquid could be brown and filled with sugar. They also talk about tripling their overall reach in ten years. Triple their current coverage that means they will be tattooing newborns with the coca-cola logo and making breast milk taste like Fanta.


The scariest part is the documentary shows that the employees actually believe that their employers are the benevolent overlords and tripling their business while making everything within their reach branded and marketed is the only sensible option. I know it’s a bit late on in the day and if coke or McDonalds are reading I'm going to find myself up to my arse in court dates but it is solid opinionated fact that if these companies were to have a face it would have a goatee and glowing red eyes. The most amazing thing I learned from "Secrets of the Superbrands: Food" was the fact there is only one country in the world where the coca-cola brand isn't the best selling soft drink. I will give you a guess. Go on write it on a piece of paper. Have you gone for some American hating country? One which has a ready supply of the stars and stripes for firewood? Well you’re wrong it’s Scotland. That is amazing instead of conforming and drinking brown sludge the Scottish have went with Iron Bru, a drink that is the same colour as the fake tan that plagues its council estates. It's like the soft drink version of "Braveheart" with the plucky drink made from girders kicking all kinds of carbonated arse. You have to admit of all Scotland’s faults, the deep fried heroin and all those sorts of shenanigans they are a defiant bunch and if anyone can win an unwinnable war against a super powerful unrelenting evil; men who wear skirts with no underwear in a land populated by waist high thistles are probably your best bet.


So as I leave the Lake District with my musings about massive companies with undertones of poetry and pedantry I would ask you to watch this documentary. Watch the programme and decided for yourself if you want to overthrow the evils of the super brands while you decide I am going to have a happy meal and a coke.



For more ramblings about the evils of the world and how to battle them using only hamsters covered in jam follow Andrew on Twitter


About the author Andybrem92


Im a British Stand-up comic, Radio Panellist, Writer and Broadcast Journalism Student.   www.twitter.com/andybrem92

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