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Geordie Shore- A Geordie's Perspective

Geordie Shore poster

Written by : published Friday 27th May 2011

Watch Geordie Shore here


Whenever I write reviews I am always purposefully vague as so to give an insight into the programme without containing any spoilers which are the wasp of the internet food chain. The people who like them plainly have no experience with them and have never been stung by the evil little bastards and the poison will make their arses explode. See any analogy will fall down under intense scrutiny.


The thing is it is difficult to spoil something that is already so ruined as Geordie Shore. After reading harryjnr's review I panicked. See the thing is he's right. People will watch it and people will probably enjoy it.  It is a show which could ruin me. I'm a Geordie. A lot of my family is from South Shields where Geordie Shore is set. This is a disaster all I have to endure myself to people is an odd sense of humour and a different accent. If I lose that to this set of slack-jawed perma-tanned fuckwits I will spike every single Alco-pop the north east has to offer with a mixture of arsenic and laxative.


Yes usually television like this does have a sort of car-crash quality. It’s not nice, it makes you feel sick but you can't keep your eyes off it. But I feel belittled and offended that these people have been chosen to represent us. The thing is that most of the "party people" in Newcastle are tourists these days they are not the locals. This is fine, the more the merrier but to choose the people in the programme to represent Geordies is a similar experience to getting Abu Hamza to represent the Muslim community. Geordie girls do not simply wear a piece of dental floss and consider themselves dressed and nor does Abu Hamza. They do occasionally wear slightly more than that including miniskirts, boob tubes and hooks for hands.


The tragic thing is that the only Geordies who become well know are usually orange morons with the IQ of a coconut. Sorry Cheryl but its true you do not come off well in editing.  These people follow that trend. Chavs with too much money drinking too much alcohol. I must confess I got bored. I have friends like these people at home and by friends I mean I moved halfway down the country to escape this kind of well rounded charming individual and get an education. The problem with this is there is no balance I know it would be very boring to watch someone sit in the house and study for their A-levels but this gives the impression that this is all we do. Drinking, arguing and applying fake tan.


Petty arguments and drunken squabbles are not as amusing as they should be but to the rest of the country it’s said in a silly sing-song accent it’s funny and mesmerising. No these people want each other’s blood and as the nights continue they will probably get it. Unless the show is heavily edited there will probably be a graphic sequence in which proper Geordies beat these day-glow orange wasters into submission with a bottle of Newcastle brown ale while wearing a string-vest, in the snow.


For actual Geordie nonsense follow Andrew on twitter @andybrem92

About the author Andybrem92


Im a British Stand-up comic, Radio Panellist, Writer and Broadcast Journalism Student.   www.twitter.com/andybrem92

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